Friday, May 16, 2014

Being Sexually Honest with Your Significant Other

People cheat.

Monogamy is a myth, a beautiful yet unrealistic fairy tale we are raised to believe in yet it doesn't fit with our own biology, chemistry, desires, or needs. 

Human beings seem to be programed to want our partner to be faithful even while we lust after someone else. We feel territorial and jealous when others hone in on what is ours yet we want other people.

Perhaps everyone doesn't cheat. But I'm willing to bet the statistics are actually lower than the truth. Because not everyone will admit it, not everyone will be truthful and some people may be convinced that the online affair, the longing from afar, the emotional relationship, or hell- even paying a hooker, are not actually cheating.

But at some point you or your partner are going to at least think about going elsewhere for something.


That is the question isn't it? 

Women's magazines are always full of articles "Why Men Cheat?"  "Keep Your Man From Cheating" How to Tell If He's Cheating"

Society instills in our heads that the woman a man chooses to settle down with should be a "good" woman. You know mommy material. And you know a mom is not a sexual creature, right? This has always seemed stupid to me- how the fuck did she become a mom? Sex!!! But yet after the little bundle of joy arrives she's never supposed to be a sexual creature again? Bullshit!!

But this is what most of us have programmed into our heads. The wife and mother is supposed to be a good woman. She doesn't have sexual desires or needs. Sex is a duty she performs for her husband. Back in the day a good wife didn't even give a blow job (or so we're led to believe). If a man wanted anything out of the ordinary missionary position he went to a woman of the night- a professional, a street walker, hooker, prostitute...

You would think that in the 21 century thinking would have evolved. Most people realize women love sex too. Yes, we are sexual creatures. We get aroused. We like to have sex. Some of us even like to get every kinky and we're not afraid to tell you.

Yet men still marry the good girl...and fuck the bad girl on the side. And sometimes that good girl turns into the lonely house wife that goes and fucks the pool boy or the UPS guy because her husband doesn't give her what she needs- which could be anything from attention to a big dick buried in her ass.

What it boils down to is that people cheat because they aren't getting what they need. 

And I'm talking about the average person here. There's always an exception to the rule- like the sex addict who fucks anything and everything, or the bipolar guy who is manic and gets hyper sexual, or the person who gets intoxicated and makes a stupid decision while under the influence, or that person who no matter what you give them will always go for the thing they aren't supposed to have because they like "doing the wrong thing".

So back to my point, people cheat because they don't get what they need. 

Maybe they really like big tits and the wife has a B cup and they desire to titty fuck someone busty. They love the wife but that desire finally gets to be too much and they go after busty Brittany.

Or perhaps they really like anal sex but hubby refuses to stick his penis in an asshole, so horny Betty goes out and finds someone that will fuck her ass until she comes in a screaming gush.

There are so many kinks that people go to hookers and specialists for...and sometimes they get busted and embarrassed publicly because of it. Think of all the sex scandals of celebrities and politicians- spankings, gay sex, public masturbation...

They could have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they had just been honest and open and shared their kink with their significant other.

To hell with the image of the perfect good girl, wifey, mommy shit...she can be a lady in public and a freak in the bedroom. You might never know how sexy she can be if you don't let her.

Tell her you want to be spanked, tell her you want to shove your dick down her throat or come deep in her ass. Maybe she'll tell you exactly what she needs too. And who knows...maybe you'll be into the same things.

My point sexually honest with your significant other. It could save your marriage and make things hotter than you ever imagined.

Granted, it may not work for everyone. But if you're already cheating or thinking about it your relationship is on a downward spiral anyway. It's not going to make things worse if you tell your wife you want to be fucked in the ass with a strap-on and she freaks out about it. 

Also if your fantasies, desires and needs include sexual activities with other people, I suggest slowly working up to those confessions. Test the waters and start with something small like "honey, will you spank me?".  Slowly confess fantasies over time, then work up to..."Hey babe, how would you feel about having a threesome?"

That's how things went with my husband and I.

Our marriage was falling apart- for a number of reasons. It started with our third child- unplanned and unexpected, the pregnancy was hell (bedrest and restriction practically from the beginning) then afterward things got worse.  The child had special needs which caused us a significant amount of stress and turmoil. 

To add insult to injury I gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy then developed fibromyalgia after (of course I didn't know this for a couple years the pain just kept getting worse) and I gained more weight. This was traumatic for me because I had always been curvy and sexy. I was the hot mom, the MILF with the ghetto booty. My entire sense of self was in the toilet. I felt like a fat slob, sex was the last thing on my mind. Especially considering I never slept because of the baby. 

My husband and I fought constantly about everything- money (or lack of it), the kids, life in general. Our sex life was non-existent. Which was another huge problem because he and I had always been very sexual. Kinky, playful, sexy people. We went from sex several times a week before the pregnancy to maybe once a month or once every six weeks or so after the baby. This hell lasted for over 3 years.

On one level we hated each other. Sex had become a chore, we just did it to get off. There was no connection.

Then life started getting better. The child got older and things started getting easier. We learned how to better manage his special needs without tearing our hair out. Jobs and money got better. Life just got better. Slowly my husband and I started to reconnect. We made time for each other. We went on dates and pretty much had to fall in love all over again.

I still had body issues. I couldn't seem to lose the weight. I didn't know what was wrong, the pain was becoming too much to take. No matter what I did it either didn't work or just hurt too much to do. 

Finally I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and learned how to manage that. And when I say manage I mean deal with it because nothing fixes it. He learned how to accept that I was really in pain and not just making it up to get out of having sex.

This led us to becoming a little closer.

We started having more sex, but to be honest it lacked the spark it used to have. I know a lot of it was me. I just wasn't excited by anything we were doing. It was the same old same old, nothing new, nothing exciting.

One date night we got a little drunk. I started confessing all my desires and naughty he knew I was bisexual from the moment we met. I never kept it from him. He said he would never share me. So for years I never brought it up. But that night I confessed I missed being with a woman and that I would like to share that with him. 

He just looked at me. Finally he said he would think about it. Then we had the hottest sex we'd had in years.

Our sex life continued to improve as we started being more open, honest and vocal with each other about what we wanted. 

I learned he liked to have me pull and tug on the skin of his testicles, he even liked to have me bite it. How did it take ten years for him to tell me that? Seriously?

He learned that I really love to be kissed and that I love breasts. He got a double dose of that when we were out of town one night, getting drunk at a bar and took a woman back to the hotel with us. Now we were both really smashed... I don't remember much, and I'm pretty sure no one even had an orgasm but he got to watch me kiss another woman, watch us suck each other's nipples and watch me eat pussy while she sucked his dick. FUCKING HOT!!!

So he started really getting into the idea of having a threesome, a real one we planned and not one where people passed out sloppy drunk in the middle of...

When we finally did have a threesome he learned something else....that nothing....NOTHING...turns me on more that watching another woman suck his dick. He said I was wetter than he had ever felt me get in our entire relationship.

Since then I have confessed all my dirty little secret desires and fantasies to him and he's doing his very best to make them all come true. 

Like the phone sex fantasy...I was on the phone with him listening while he got a blowjob then he brought the video home to me so I could watch it.

I have to admit that wasn't as good as I thought...mainly because he and both confessed to each other that we felt like he cheated on me. It twisted our stomachs and made us feel wrong. Even though I set the whole thing up and I was on the phone with him the entire time it just wasn't the same as actually being there. I never feel like he is cheating when we were doing things together. So we agreed that we would NEVER EVER do anything without the person again. It's together or nothing.

Now don't get me wrong. The entire thing was still hot as hell. Watching the video..listening to him moan and her slurp his dick...then seeing the huge load he shot all over her face and big boobs...yeah I came hard. 

So yes it was still amazingly hot and I still got off even with my stomach clenching (that's the cuckquean part of me). And I set up another meeting with her so I can watch it in person. And so I can play with her huge tits too. ;-) I keep watching that video over and over again and coming hard when he shoots that load all over her face and tits.

I just love that my guy is now willing to try and make all my fantasies come true.

It has done wonders for our sex life. We have more sex now than we did before, sometimes more than once a day. And that's just us, just me and him. We only hook up with a third once or twice a month.

We send emails and texts to each throughout the day while we're working- either being naughty, flirty or simply loving. Sometimes we even text each other something naughty while watching TV gets us excited for when the kids go to bed and we can be alone.

Our relationship is hotter than it's ever been. And we're closer than we've ever been. We're more honest with each other than we've ever been.

We work to make each other's fantasies come true. He gives me what I want and I make sure he's pleasured like a King. 

Women on their knees in front of him worshipping his thick nine inch cock like it should be worshipped. I give him lots of breasts to lick, suck and fuck.

We are mutually satisfied by our arrangement. 

He's happy to make my fantasies come true and he's more than happy to put his dick where I tell him to.

And that's exactly how it works. He says it is my dick and it will ONLY go where I want it to go. 

The first time we had sex with another woman I held his penis and put it into her pussy. I fingered her wetness, slid my wet hand over his shaft, gripped it, rubbed the head of it into her wetness, rubbed it all over her swollen lips then I spread her open and pushed him into her tight pussy, guided him in until my hand was in the way then pushed his ass so he would go deep inside her. My dick. I fucked her with it.

I'm not sure what fantasy we will tackle next but I know we're not stopping.

We have women to play with that enjoy his thick cock and my BBW curves (which by the way I have learned to accept and rejoice in because men and women both seem to enjoy my DDs and big ass, so I might as well enjoy them too and not worry that I'm no longer a size 8).

So by being sexually honest with my husband I saved our marriage. 

We were on our way to divorce- or to cheating on each other. Which would have eventually ended in divorce (or death because I can be an evil vindictive bitch).

By learning to accept each other's kinks, indulge in them, and satisfy each other's sexual cravings, wants and desires we have solidified our relationship.

It's not cheating if you do it together, and why not enjoy having sex with someone else...together? 

Other than that one snafu (phone sex blowjob) we have done everything together. 

And in the future we will always be together..and we lay ground rules out before each encounter. 

Which means we discuss what we will or won't do with that person, what is OK, what isn't, what's flexible. For instance, I don't want him to fuck every woman we hook up with. Many are blowjobs only- or everything up to but not including penis to vagina sex. Which means he can fondle, finger, lick, suck, rub her tits, ass or pussy but he can't penetrate her pussy or ass unless I have preapproved it. Even then I have to physically grab his dick and put it where I want it. He refuses to do anything without my strict consent and approval.

So in the end, my advice is this- Be honest with your partner but go slowly, tread lightly and test the waters before just diving in. I highly recommend wading in the shallow end first. Dive in the deep end after a several sessions in the shallow water. And hey there's no shame in wearing a life preserver for awhile before feeling safe enough to swim in the deep waters without it.

Alcohol can be a good life preserver when it comes to confessions. Just don;t get to drunk you'll blabber too much all at once. But a little alcohol- for you both... It can make confessions a lot easier.... LOL

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